‘You’re only as old you feel’ is a pretty well-worn cliché. But increasingly the science suggests there’s something very true in that saying. Recent studies have shown those who feel younger than their biological age tend to lead healthier, happier and even longer lives, while those who feel older tend to hit some of the challenges of older age much sooner.
What this all boils down to is mindset – how we choose to think about our later life.
After all, it’s a fact that we are all living longer. While our grandparent’s generation might have expected 10 years of life after retirement, we can look forward to living hopefully 20-30 years after we cash in our last pay cheque. Sir Muir Gray, author of best-selling book Sod 70!says we should even stop using the word ‘retirement’ and talk about having a ‘renaissance’ instead. Far from being the end of your life, it could be the time of your life.
What’s interesting, though, is that while some people thrive with this gift of extra time, others can feel lost with the burden of what to do with it. The difference between those experiences in many cases is once again that little voice in our head that makes up our mindset.
Read more:****Lockdown in retirement: How is it effecting your mental health?
As Camilla Cavendish explains in her book Extra Time, “One of the greatest blocks to our progress is our own prejudice. We need to transform our attitudes, and realise it’s not old age that’s getting longer, it’s middle age.”
That’s why in this special we’re going to give you the expert-backed tools to do some important homework on your thoughts, take a mindset MOT and truly embrace the fact that you really are only as old as you feel.
Swap the stereotypes
From knitting nanas in adverts to TV sitcom pensioners, the stereotype of what it means to be an older woman are everywhere. In fact, Becca Levy, a professor in the psychology of ageing, says that from children we see images of what it means to be ‘retired’ or a ‘pensioner’ and these are reinforced as we go through life.
While this doesn’t bother us when we’re young, as we get nearer the age these stereotypes depict, we can start to adopt those stereotypes unintentionally. And for stereotypes that are negative, focusing on greying hair, grumpiness and poor health, for example, this can affect our mentality and even our health.
In fact, one study Becca ran found that older people who are subliminally exposed to negative stereotypes about ageing had higher blood pressure and a faster heart rate than those exposed to more positive stereotypes.
As Guy Robertson, author of Ten Steps to Positive Ageing, says, stereotypes – and the beliefs we hold about ageing from those – can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. “If we believe that getting older means getting ill, then the chances of that happening are increased.” Guy talks about a study that showed when older people diagnosed with an illness such as cancer or diabetes were told their illness was the result of ‘old age’ they experienced more frequent health issues and were more likely to die by the end of the study compared to those who’d been told their illness was because of genetics, lifestyle factors or chance. Part of this, he says, is that when have a negative attitude about later life, we’re less likely to look after ourselves and visit the doctor when we need to.
Embodying negative stereotypes can also make us lower our expectations about what we can do meaning we might have lower self-confidence, lower levels of risk-taking and increased feelings of loneliness.
In all this, though, the good news is that these negative stereotypes don’t have to dictate how we live our lives. Instead, we can choose how we respond to them and push back against their harmful impacts. To get started try these 3 tips:
1. Pick your heroes
Rather than negative stereotypes, choose to be inspired by really positive examples of getting older. Who do you admire who’s over 50? Think about friends, celebrities, athletes, scientists or the stories of inspiring women you read in books or magazines. Make a list and think about what they say about what it means to get older. If it helps, make a collage of pictures of older people you admire and look at it every time you feel down about ageing.
WE LOVE alexrotasphotography.co.uk – a showcase of amazing images of people in their 80s and 90s excelling at sport. It’s the perfect starting point for an inspiring collage
2. Accentuate your positives
Research says we can offset the negativity around ageing by savouring the positive parts of getting older, such as the wisdom and life lessons we’ve learned. Grab some paper and write down the most important lessons you’ve learned in life and how that’s changed you. For example, you might write about a job that taught you to be calmer or an incident that made you more grateful. Keep these somewhere safe to refer to when you need to remind yourself that great good can come with the passing of the years.
3. Question age-appropriate
Think about the beliefs and unwitting prejudices you might have about old age yourself. For example, do you think you shouldn’t wear certain clothes after retirement or believe there are activities you can’t do later in life. Write these down. Then think carefully about why you hold these beliefs, how they make you feel and if they are helpful for you. If you still believe in them afterwards that’s fine. It’s just good to question our beliefs from time to time to make sure they’re not beliefs we inherited from someone else or formulated years ago but don’t genuinely believe in anymore.
3 inspiring books to change your attitude
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Extra Time: 10 Lessons for an Ageing World by Camilla Cavendish, rrp £20
The award-winning journalist travels across the world to contest the biggest taboos about ageing, looking at how governments, businesses, doctors and the media could change the experience of later life.
Women Rowing North by Mary Pipher, rrp £13.73
Drawing on her own experience as a grandmother, psychologist and anthropologist, Mary explores how to navigate the challenges of later life to make it the most joyous time.
How to Age Joyfully: Eight steps to a happier, fuller life by Maggy Pigott, rrp £12.99
When Maggy was forced into early retirement and became depressed, she went in search of new ideas on ageing, discovering the joy of dancing and volunteering along the way she details in this book.
Get a grip on your goals
One of the best ways we can make our attitudes about getting older more positive is by setting exciting goals to look forward to and give us purpose. Of course, life may throw us curveballs but only by making some kind of plan can we increase our chances of getting what we want.
Here’s the 5-step plan to setting your goals:
STEP ONE: Ask why?
There’s no point having goals if you’re not going to be motivated to pursue them so ask why you’re making them. Is it because you want the healthiest, happiest later life so you can be there for your children and grandchildren for longer? Or is it more to do with wanting to avoid dementia or other poor health later in life?
STEP TWO: Determine your values
The best goals are those that closely match your values, so you may need to take time to work these out. Values are your moral compass that drive your behaviour and how you see the world and could be things like justice, loyalty, resilience, truthfulness, courage, creativity etc…
If you’re struggling to identify your values, ask a friend for three words they’d use to best describe you and they might just hit the nail on the head. Once you’ve got your values, goals should be easier. For example if you have strong values around creativity, maybe your goal is around doing more crafting or starting your own business selling things you make, whereas if your value is caring maybe it’s about making more time to see family or volunteering to help vulnerable people.
STEP THREE: Imagine
Guy Robertson recommends having a mental dress rehearsal of what you want your life to look life. Picture the best possible scenario and how you look and feel in that moment. This works because brain studies show imagination produces the same mental instructions as real actions meaning you can essentially trick your brain into thinking you’ve already achieved the things you’ve imagined, making it feel easier for you to achieve it in reality.
STEP FOUR: The pizza of purpose
Grab two sheets of A4, label one ‘current’ and the other ‘future’ and draw two large circles on each. Decide what you consider to be the eight most important areas of your life such as family, fitness, volunteering, leisure and fun etc… You’re now going to pretend your ‘current’ circle is a pizza and divide it into eight pieces, representing the eight sections of life you just thought of. The size of each pizza slice should be in proportion with how much time you currently devote to that section of your life. Think of it in terms of the per centage of your week so if you spend 25% of your week dedicated to family that particular slice will take up a quarter of the pizza. Once done, rate each slice from 1-10 based on how satisfied you are with the amount of time you give to each area. 1 is rubbish and 10 is fantastic.
Then turn to your future circle which represents how you want to spend your time. Remembering that visualisation you did in step 3 and the ratings you’ve given, draw each of the eight slices of the pizza as you’d ideally like them to be proportioned. So if you want to spend more than 25 per cent of your time on family you’d draw that slice to be more than a quarter of the pizza.
STEP FIVE: Get your goal
Looking at the differences between the two pizzas, think about how you change from one to the other. Think about the steps you’ll need to take to get there, any obstacles and how you might overcome them. Give yourself a specific measure of success, too. How will you know when you’ve reached your goal? Write your goal somewhere you’ll see it – studies show when our brain witnesses us committing to something it makes us 42 per cent more likely to stick to it
Remember you’ve done this before
From giving up work to possible health challenges, becoming a grandparent to downsizing, later life can be a time of great change. But the good news is by the age we are, we’ve already faced significant change several times before.
Judy and Adrian Reith, authors of Act 3 – The Art of Growing Older recommend listing all the transitions you’ve made in your life. “Start with starting school– did you cry? How was it leaving home? Starting a new job or college? What was the effect on you? List the things that made an emotional impact. Maybe it’s been years since a life transition, but you’ve certainly done it before, and you can do it again.”