The word that Janet Ellis most commonly uses to describe herself is uses to describe herself is ‘lucky’. The 69-year-old feels fortunate in the career she’s had, combining everything from four years at Blue Peter, to novel writing and podcasting – and to have a family she adores.
This outlook is particularly inspiring when you consider that Janet lost her beloved husband of 35 years, John Leach, to cancer in 2020. The pain of this loss is now part of the tapestry of her life: ‘Before John died, I would probably have thought that by now, [the feeling of grief] wouldn’t weigh any more. And of course, it does. It is exactly the same size and shape. I still love him. He’s still my husband,’ she explains, ‘But I think you have to, if you can, make a conscious effort to move it alongside rather than in front.’
Today she looks very elegant, in a bright coral jumper and lipstick to match. She’s talking from her home in west London about her work with Marie Curie, promoting the Great Daffodil Appeal, which runs throughout March. ‘I would love to not demystify exactly, but to become more sensible about death. And I’m not sentimental about it, neither was John, and Marie Curie’s approach is definitely robust and practical. It doesn’t tip its head on one side and ask how you are. It just says, “This is what’s going to happen. How can we help you?”’ Janet adds that, while there are very difficult days, she’s in ‘the best place’ possible at this point.
Might she be open to getting to know a new partner? ‘Yes, but I don’t know how. If that makes sense. I can’t imagine sort of trying to be too specific about getting there.’ She cites her father as a positive example – he formed a new relationship soon after losing Janet’s mother. ‘In theory, before Ma died, I would have thought absolutely not [to his meeting someone new]. They were so in love. They loved each other’s company. But of course, I could see then that what my mother had taught him, and that he had learned really well, is that two is good,’ she smiles. ‘So, I haven’t said no categorically, because there is this echo of how nice that was. I can fix things. I have loads of friends locally, and my diary is pretty full, but doing nothing with someone was always a treat. That would be nice.’
In the meantime, she’s not letting being a party of one stop her. At the end of last year she dipped her toes into solo travel, having found that, while she has friends to have weekend breaks with, she was longing for a bigger adventure. She admits that travel arrangements had been firmly John’s territory – she finds them ‘terrifying’ – so an organised group trip to South Africa seemed like just the ticket. ‘My whole life has been a series of unexpected events. And I think, My goodness, here’s another one. I didn’t predict that at all,’ she explains. ‘It was eye opening, actually, how good people are at having a good time that doesn’t exclude anyone, that isn’t selfish. I think that’s why [I liked being in] a group. Because I’ve never, ever wanted to do truly solo travel. I just could not do that. I need someone around to go, “Oh my gosh, look.”’
There have also been happy events closer to home recently. For one thing, Martha, Janet’s daughter with John, got married in August and is now expecting her first baby – a nephew or niece for Sophie Ellis-Bextor (Janet’s daughter from her first marriage to Robin Bextor) and brother Jackson. They will join quite the gang, as singer Sophie already has five sons, who live close to Janet.
In fact, her oldest grandson, Sonny, 20, couldn’t be closer! He’s been living with her for 18 months – an arrangement neither of them is in a hurry to end. ‘Although the younger ones are bagsy-ing their turns, so that’s going to be awkward if he hasn’t moved out,’ she jokes. ‘I like having somebody around who has different ideas, different music, different ways of seeing things, it’s good for me to have that.’ The pair enjoy trips to the cinema together, and Janet plans to introduce him to TV drama The White Lotus. At Christmas they headed back to Sophie’s house for a family affair – with Janet on peeling and pudding duties.
Martha’s wedding was another joyous gathering, although of course a poignant one without John there. Her brother Jack walked her down the aisle, and ‘because they’re the same sort of size he wore one of his dad’s suits’, says Janet. ‘John was very present.’ Martha’s bouquet also contained a locket with a picture of her father, ‘so he was with her all the time.’ And, while John remains sorely missed, in particular his dry sense of humour, she feels – that’s right – lucky to have known him. ‘All you can do is think how lucky I am to feel like that. You know, how lucky to miss someone so brilliant.
There’s only one chance to give people the best possible end of life. Every five minutes, someone dies without the care they need. By donating and wearing your daffodil this March, you can help Marie Curie Nurses bring expert end of life to more people, whatever their illness. The Great Daffodil Appeal only happens once a year. This is your chance to make it count. For information and to donate visit Marie Curie The Great Daffodil Appeal.